Kamran: oh god katie my worst nightmare just came true my phone fell in the toilet :( :'( I feel woozy i seriously feel nauseous. i might cry. please don't tell anybody me: WHAT THE HELL?! It's still working? Kamran: i dont think so it's wrapped in paper towels in my drawer right now it's making funny colors. i dont think it's working me: Ahh, geez. What happened? Kamran: it was in my pocket, apparently not deep enough. when i stood up to zip up, it fell out and into the toilet i fished it out (dear god) and dried it off with toilet paper. then i washed my hands fifty times me: I feel so bad! Kamran: me too i cant even get my numbers and stuff off of it. they're all lost my life has been rebooted the pics you sent, my chess record me: Wow. Kamran: Give me your phone number i quite literally feel like throwing up ... me: I know just how you feel. Kamran: oh yea? me: When a story I've been working on gets deleted, when my hard drive has crashed, etc. Kamran: yea. when you've had to fish your phone out of a bowl of your own shit do you think i can get a new phone with service and everything over my lunch break, or is that too ambitious? me: I think you can. Easily. Kamran: so i'd have a working phone this afternoon? me: Yes. Kamran: and i wouldnt need to take my old one in right? me: Why not? Kamran: because it was in a bowl of my shit and i'd rather not carry it around me: Well, I'd say you might want to bring it in case there's a warranty. Kamran: i'm too embarrassed to explain it why it's wrapped in paper towels i should just suck it up and consider it a $300 lesson that fucking sucks What a dumbass i am me: Don't feel that way. Could've happened to anyone. Kamran: besides, i doubt the warranty covers this me: If there's a warranty, it covers anything that you might do to it. I know people who have run over their phones with their cars just to get a new one. Kamran: wouldn't i need to go home and check the box and stuff? or would they do it just based on the phone itself even though it doesnt turn on me: Yep, if it won't turn on, that's probably grounds for getting a new one. Kamran: what a fucking hassle me: Just tell them that you dropped it in water. Kamran: yea, i will meantime, i'll cringe every time they or I have to touch it
Later That Afternoon
Kamran: i should probably take the battery out of my old phone before i throw it away, right? i dont really want to touch it though not to keep the battery or anything, but just in case it's a fire hazard or something meh, i guess if it was going to blow up, it probably would have by now me: Well, keeping the battery isn't a bad idea, anyway. Kamran: but it has poo in it me: Clean it! WITH YOUR MOUTH. Kamran: --puke-- Listen, it hasn't been that long since I reached bare-handed into a pool of my own lukewarm feces. I'm still a little sensitive. me: Man up. Bear Grylls does this sort of thing every day. Kamran: I'm SO gonna poo on you in your sleep tonight maybe i'll poo in a bag, slip it up over your hand, and affix it with a rubber band, so as to avoid getting the bed dirty
Later That Night
We stopped by his office after dinner, and he revealed that he was keeping the poo-stained BlackBerry in his desk drawer:
When he threw it in the trash a moment later, the little red message light at the top stayed on, and we imagined some poor cleaning lady fishing it out, thinking that it was still working and that she'd made a real find. Mwahahahaha.
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evelynnash) wrote,
